Make Money With A Camera

Robert Atkins

• Sell it. Best camera for this type of work is a Leica, preferably an unused “special edition.”
• Pawn it. Not as good as (1), but still not bad. Again, Leicas are the best kind of camera for this work.
• Lurk around in a dark alley, and when someone comes by, hit then over the head with your camera and steal their wallet. Here the superiority of medium format work really shines. Mamiya RB67s or Pentax 6x7s are very good. If you have to use 35mm, rumor has it that Nikons work better than Canons. Under really difficult conditions, use a sturdy tripod (always a good idea).
• Sell pictures to your friends and colleagues. The best way here is to follow them around in the evening and weekends. If you are lucky you’ll spot them doing something like going into a massage parlor or being stopped by the police for DWI. Pictures of these events usually sell for quite a bit more than the usual portrait work. 35mm is the preferred format, and a long-range zoom is the lens of choice.
• Sports Photography. Follow a prominent sports figure around all day, every day, and take close-up pictures with a wide angle lens and flash as often as possible. With luck and persistence you will be the victim of an assault, for which you can sue. Even an out of court settlement can be quite profitable. I’d suggest an inexpensive P&S camera for this type of work.
• There is no 6, 7, 8 or 9. What you gonna do? Sue me for article fraud?
• Become a pro by joining IFPO and sell yourself to people even more gullible than you are. Make lots of money, retire, and write a book about how to make money with your camera.

Disclaimer:  This article is clearly intended to be a humorous spoof.  Please do NOT do any of the above.  'til next time, happy shutter bugging.